Today was much harder than I ever imagined. I felt like a little sumo wrestler was sitting on my chest, or in plain English...I was so down, burdened, depressed etc. I felt hideous. My self confidence was shot and I didn't feel like doing anything creative. I was also strangely fidgety; I kept tugging at my shirt and I felt like I was acting quite awkward. The people close to me immediately noticed the change. One comment was "what happened to you today?". Some people commented that I look really young without make up on. This was an insecurity of mine when I was working as a manager at a company in Plett. I felt like people wouldn't take me seriously because I looked like a kid. I can't believe how much of my confidence is based on my outward appearance. I believe that your style is an extension of your personality just as Quentin Bell (1976:19) puts it:
Our clothes are too much a part of us for most of us to be entirely indifferent to their condition. It is as though the fabric were indeed a natural extension of the body or even the soul".
Perhaps the next two weeks will challenge this belief but right now I just want to feel like myself again.
Well we were in the same boat today. I kept waiting for people to start spitting on me in the streets.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is, you still look good without make-up. Not such a fan of the tekkies and jean pant...but your face really did look pretty.
It fascinates me how we're all wrapped in our little self-conscious bubbles, yet so few people even see the difference.
These next 2 weeks are going to be interesting!
I feel that this is a wonderful experiment, one which will open your eyes and force you with a gentle hand, to take in the material judgements which this world dishes out on an extremely regular basis. The reluctance of people within this 'Western society' to embrace their insecurities and over come them, is at sky-scraper height and this experiment is a good indication of how people would feel of they were confronted by their insecurities which are in some ways fears. Wicked mad props to you for doing this Starla, and not saying 'fuck your sir' but embracing this project with open arms and takkies :)
ReplyDeletemuch love home dog... the J dog
great stuff!!
ReplyDelete